goodbyes

overwhelming regret and helplessness smothered her from her inside out. their lips parted for the last time. for how long she had no idea. it killed her. she could do nothing about it. he lived somewhere else. hours away. she couldn't even remember what state. Pennsylvania? and then she remembered where it was. she thought... he was about to leave. him and his friend. a nice guy, but an ass for taking him away. fuck. anger simmered in her chest. he was about to leave. it was almost two in the morning and he had just his intentions to leave. it caught her off guard. she had realized he was not staying that night. and she knew he was leaving town in the morning. she didn't even have tonight. she was so sad. the word sad didn't seem to describe it deeply enough. but upset seemed, well it seemed, perfect. she was upset he was not staying. he looked at her willfully communicating an apology. she tried to hide her pathetic disappointment. and smiled weakly.he had his coat on. that navy blue pea coat. they were standing in the hall by the door. he was stalling. he said he felt he was forgetting something. yea, me. she thought. he thought of nothing. but moved closer across the room towards her and further from his exit. alright well i guess were going he said as he looked at her again. the other two turned to walk away and she made her move across the room to hug him goodbye with secret intentions. she was in his arms now and he kissed her. a release after the palpable tension there had been leading up to his departure. it was sad and emotional for her. she wanted to stop from tearing up. she didn't care why she cared so much for him. the others walked down the stairs to give them privacy. their lips parted as they both smiled and laughed softly. they kissed for longer. a minute maybe. neither wanted to stop. she knew this. they stopped finally and he breathed softly into her face that it was nice meeting her and laughed at how odd it sounded. she laughed bitterly. it was nice meeting you too she replied awkwardly laughing. he said something and she turned away saying "fine leave." seriously (joking) she looked back. he was smiling at her. he scrambled for words. "come here" he said grabbing her coat and pulling her in again and kissing her. putting his hand around her back under her coat holding her there. putting his other hand on her neck, holding her face there caressing and playing with her boy short hair. another minute as she wrapped her arms around his waist. pressing herself up against him. someone called form downstairs in the front hall, "James!" a quiet growl rose up in her throat but she closed it off before it could be heard. the animalistic tendency to fly downstairs and rip out somebodies jugular she was fighting hard. he laughed ruefully and sad as he pulled away gently "i don't know when ill see you again, i might be back soon, i don't know. but ill see you when i come again." sorrowfully smiling. "okay", she said covering up. "ill see you," he said. "bye, ill see you," she said wistfully. he walked down the stairs to leave. why cant you stay here?! she yelled out in her thoughts hoping he would hear.